Poetry

"THE BALLAD OF SHAZZA AND DINK"

written by: Nick Turk

What can I possibly say about Sharon and Graham (aka Shazza and Dink) - a quite hilariously unique couple that Heather and I encountered one evening outside a pub in Hastings. It was whilst we were enjoying our fish'n'chips that we began chatting with them both and the resulting conversation was, shall we say, quite memorable. And so I hereby dedicate the following poem to them both and, should they by chance, stumble upon it one day then can I say "Cheers!" to both of them, thank them for buying us both a drink and hope Shazza enjoyed watching "Mamma Mia" in the end! So, without further ado may I humbly present "The Ballad of Shazza and Dink"...

It was an empty old fag packet that brought us together
Just Shazza and Dink, myself and Heather
As we sat there enjoying our fish'n'chips
A simple question had escaped Shazza's lips
"Are you on vacation", she was heard to say
When she realised that Heather was from the US of A
And so it was we began to recount our tale
With Shazza devouring every single detail
And her fella just sitting their nursing his drink
This fella we soon learnt was simply called "Dink"
"Short for Graham", she said, and we were slightly bemused
As the logic behind it all left us confused
Then we talked of Astrology and found it hilarious
When we'd tell her yet again "I'm Libra and she's Sagittarius"
And she'd tell me I was Earth and Heather was Water
Though we'd told her before so she really should oughta
Have remembered I'm an Air sign and Heather was Fire
For this woman's short term memory was really quite dire
But I'm sure it didn't help that our Shazza was tipsy
Though she asked us "Did you know that I'm really a gypsy?"
And were we going to watch "Mamma Mia" at nine
And then she'd ask us again "So, what IS your star sign?"
And "Are you a couple?" and "Will you both make it?"
And in retrospect I'm surprised that we managed to take it
With the alcohol fumes and the endless questions
I'm sure we could have come up with several suggestions
Like "Get thee to bed, you're completely plastered"
But then she told us how Dink had been a bit of a bastard
And punched her in the head just the previous night
And were we watching "Mamma Mia" on ITV tonight?
Then we got out the camera and we took a few snaps
And Shazza enquired as to whether perhaps
We could take some of her sitting next to her Dink
With her reeking of booze and him holding his drink
Then Dink started talking of this book that he'd read
Whilst Shazza continued to get off of her head
And we heard of Bill Bryson and his various tales
And told Shazza "She's the centaur and I am the scales"
Then Dink said he'd pop home to his comfy abode
'Cos apparently they only just lived up the road
And he'd grab that there book and he'd show it to us
So he left us and Shazza went on to discuss
How Scorpios were renowned for the sting in their tail
And could we send her the photos of them by email
Even though it did seem that they'd never receive them
For they hadn't a laptop and I sure did believe them
But Shazza was restless, for you just had to see her
To realise she just wanted to watch "Mamma Mia"
But Dink returned shortly with the book in his hand
And he sat down and handed it over as planned
And then said we could keep it and proceeded to sign it
And quite simply it was impossible for us to decline it
So we gave him our thanks and then said we must leave
As it was increasingly difficult for us to perceive
How Shazza would ever stay awake for her show
So it was lovely to meet you but we really must go
And so we headed out into the fresh air once more
And wondered to ourselves just what was in store
For Sharon and Graham, this peculiar pair
And as I looked to the heavens I said a quick prayer
That if Shazza fell asleep on account of the drink
That she'd sleep safe and sound with her fella called Dink
And though they'd missed "Mamma Mia" if only they knew
They'd most likely repeat it on ITV 2