Poetry

Something That Holds Me Back

written by: rstephens93

What If I leave?
Would there be mascara on my sleeve?
What if I were to leave this all behind?
Would you continue to be on my mind?

What if I were to take off and leave no trace?
Would I even remember your face?
What If I packed my bags and ran?
Would you still call me him your man?

Because this is all I know
And maybe I want to know more
Because this fish bowl life doesn't satsify me
I've been struggling for so long but now I've broke free

But there's something that holds me back
It can't be you, you don't mean anything, do you?
There's just one single strand
That's got me attached to this land
Like the grip of strings on the mannequin's hands

I don't know why cause I've been wanting this so long
But it's the discomplacency that I don't belong
That has got an utter grip on this unsteady heart
What holds this heart?

What if I ran from all of this
What do I not have that is his
I don't know why I'm jealous of him
Cause I tell myself I don't care about you
(And while you're not looking I stare, I do)

The feelings that are fused through this head
Keep me from the paths I swore I'd tread
And although I swear my innocence at the stands
I'm the one with the dirt and blood on my hands

Maybe my existence concludes my resistance
But I hate the truth that you love to repeat
And the stakes that stab and keep my heart down a beat
Because as much as I want to run
Doing so without you would cause me to come undone

What if I told you it all before?
Before I ran out that door
And told you how I feel and all the thoughts I conceal
Would it mean anything at all?
Would it mean something to you?

Or am I too late to be honest?