Poetry

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broken angel

written by: babeestars

She felt empty. And disgustingly full.
The fat crawling round her veins, haunting her gaunt body.
Eating at her. nothing passed her lips, not even a whisper. A plea.
She felt alone. And constantly followed.
Their words running round her brain, putting her down.
Eating at her. nothing passed her lips, not even a whisper. A plea.
She was nothing. One person. No different.
She was full of imperfections and doubts.
She was fragile.
And she was pushed.
She fell.
And her emerald eyes shattered, and her golden hair tarnished.
Another broken angel.

Comments:

Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 9:33AM

I can only guess what this is about but, I liked the part- nothing passed her lips, not even a whisper.
Maybe eliminate the two ANDs in the last two parts for a stronger finish.---she was pushed
She fell.--- her emerald eyes shattered,and her golden hair tarnished.

Sun, May 2, 2010 at 4:01PM

Thank you for you feedback and I'm glad you like parts.
I originally chose to keep the 'and's in because i wanted it to have the repetitiveness, to show how it all builds up, its another thing after another.
Although I agree, without them it would be more hard hitting.

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