A lonely night a lonelier day
but I know I can't make you stay
If you want to go there is nothing I can do
I just keep hoping you won't say we're through
Each second life gets harder and I don't know what to think
I try to move I start to sink
My mind won't budge I'm getting no where
So overwhelmed I no longer care
A lonely night a lonelier day
but I know I can't make you stay
If you want to go there is nothing I can do
I just keep hoping you won't say we're through
Remember the smiles I remember them well
It felt as though I was under a spell
Remember the kisses so warm and so sweet
Our hearts racing faster with every beat
I don't forget the arguments, I remember them too
But much much more I can't forget how it felt to be loving you
A lonely night a lonelier day
but I know I can't make you stay
If you want to go there is nothing I can do
But Please remember I will never stop loving you
Comments:
I thought you said you couldn't write? I think this poem reads very well. It's simple, straight to the point. The rhymes aren't complex, but it doesn't feel like you tried to hard to make them work either. They flow more effortlessly than usual with you. My favorite has to be the title though... not sure why exactly, it just stands out to me.
i love this.
Reads more like lyrics than poetry.
Great, simple alliteration, and great clarity
Thank you!
Check out my stuff, I would love comments
I agree with the comment made above about it being more like lyrics then poetry. But that's o.k, isn't it? I mean it reminded me of something Christine McVie would have wrote, and I love her lyrics. Simple but expressive of the hearts feelings.
i feel ya on this one.
o and i really want to better myself. if you wouldnt mind checking out any of mine itd be greatly appreciated..constructive criticisim is welcomed.
Very nice. ;D
Wow, this one spoke a part of my life. I agree that the simple and lyrical way it is written out makes it that much more enjoyable. Very nice!
Hey not to be annoying but people who commented on this one, could be awesome and check out some of my stuff
At the end of the day are lyrics just poetry anyway? I mean some lyrics rhyme etc just like poetry but not all poems rhyme just like lyrics....
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
Well done!
xEx
Thank you so much! Yes, I agree that some poems just lend themselves to music. I'm glad you like it!
i love this. it's great. I've been in the same situation. with friends (they left my life) and boyfriends.
my fav line is i try to move i start to sink.
its a very well written poem, concise and well communicated: msure a lotta people relate to this one:)
I can actually relate to this poem. Excellent work! I love it!
Thanks!
Its simple and effective, filled with inner debth on so many levals. Its a poets dream poem. And the fact that it sounds like a song makes it even better, if you ever want to make a song out of it, and make some more cash.
I liked this poem, It really flows. Nice work.
You can read mine, (The Positive Vives) and send a comment.
Beautiful. I'd be beautiful as a song, too. I agree.
Thank you!
great poem but simple at the same time awesome
I love your poem becuase it saids everything i felt during my breakup with my fiance of 6 years, alot of emotions and feelings go through your head when u love someone so much, but sometimes you have to let them go, thats what i did...to make a long story short thanks for writing this, it feels good to know someone can write about what others experience with out knowing one another...your poem was great, ill keep reading if u keep writing...good job!
Wow! That is by far the best compliment I've ever gotten. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I'm glad my words could speak to you! Thank you for reading!
you have well expressed your thoughts. i do like it
holy shit... why am i just finding this NOW! haha, i loved it! keep it up ;)
LOL! Thanks!!!!!
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