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Shadow

written by: babeestars

I always felt when going through life I was in somebodys shadow. Every stepping stone I reached or path I crossed, someone before me had already done it, so when I made each achievement, however big or small, it was overlooked by something going on further down the line.


Birthdays, the milestones to life.


10th first double figures. Big deal for my sister. Me? It didn't even get noticed. My sisters 10th birthday was the first helium balloon I witnessed. And in stupidity I thought on my 10th and I would get my very own one too! I didn't.


13th becoming a teenager. Was even more unimportant. Just part of growing up I guess.


I'm not sure of there were supposed to be any more big ones in between but I certainly didn't experience them.


18th my sister had a big party. She planned to go to the pubs with her friends then they were all coming back to stay at our house. this ofcourse was a mistake but my mum kept saying "your only 18 once." Well of course you are! I wanted to shout at her was she stupid! Your only every age once and you don't make a big deal out of it then! And I'm pretty sure when I'm 18 it wont be important any more.


It was the same with exams. Year six SATs seemed to not exist for me purely because my parents had learned they didn't mean anything when my sister had finished them. Year 7 CATs, my sisters Year 9 SATs. My year 9 SATs, My sisters GSCEs. My GCSEs, my sisters A levels. My A levels, My sisters degree... ect


Starting secondary school was again a big thing when it came to my sister doing it. and of course I understand parents worry, first time and everything, but acknowledging its a big step for me to would be nice. My sister got her first mobile phone when she started secondary school, she had to wait till her birthday though but that was fair. "you'll have to wait till you're in secondary school too." And so I did just that, I waited for my first birthday in secondary school. No mobile phone. It was hard to not show my disappointment.


It wasn't just my sister. I have a really good friend. And in many ways we are extremely similar but she is older than me. We met through first aid. And I would say I have achieved quite well in that, but everything I did, and still do, it isn't me making my own path. It is me following in Katie's footsteps. And don't get me wrong she's been my rock, but it's pretty difficult when the only place you feel you fit in people start calling you mini Katie, baby Katie, followed with comments like "you'll be the next Katie". It's like the one place where I felt like me I don't get to keep my own name. And that's hard.


I guess things will become easier but right now it feels like ill never see the sun.

Comments:

Wed, Feb 10, 2010 at 10:37PM

That's deep. I can easily relate to this story, though I'm the oldest child. I have my mother and my younger ("more accomplished") older brother blocking my sun. thank you for making this.

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