Prose

What Does Hate Do?

written by: stylerider22

Tonight is the night that would change everything for me, tonight was the night that I would meet hate face to face like a great Wild West duel. It was my first attack and I had never experienced anything like it before. Rick and I were just juniors in high school at the time and we were out on a Friday night doing what young teenage boys do, having fun and doing bad things. Rick was the first guy I met that made me feel different and excited. Rick and I were young and very confused about our sexualities, but something about us being together still felt right and we were best friends. We had stopped by "Steak-N-Shake" for some late night munchies, you could smell the greasy burgers and French fries a mile away and you could see the both of us drooling for some of those delicious burgers. We sat down and our waitress came and took our order, so Rick and I started to just talk and drink our water while we waited. We were minding our own business when an intoxicated young man yelled and pointed at the two of us "Are you guys on a date, are you two faggots!!??" I could smell the stench of booze oozing out of his pores and his words slurring like a skipping record. Rick and I were totally caught off guard and flabbergasted at what had just taken place, our faces turned bright red and we didn't know what to say. The young man kept going on and on with derogatory remarks, "Are you two going to kiss each other like fags!?" Finally management came over and told him that he needed to leave and he just got more belligerent and violent. "See what the fags did!? They got me kicked out of this restaurant!!"

Over time I realized that this was one of the huge markers that destroyed our relationship together. We were so young and to have somebody make you feel so bad, wrong and out of place with the rest of the world, to make you feel like an outcast, like you didn't belong was almost unbearable, I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and just die. This was the worst feeling I had ever felt before in my life and I could see it in Rick's eyes that he was crushed like a kid just finding out for the first time that Santa Clause isn't real, and was now going to be forevermore scared to be who he is and will hide and suppress it for a very long time. I still remember this undesired appointment with this angry young man for a very important reason; it was my first showdown with hate, and I will never forget what it's like for someone to hate you for just being who you are.

The next time I was 19 and I would face a new kind of hate, a silent hate. I had just gotten to my first base in the military. I was so proud of myself that I had made it through and I had worked hard to get where I am now. I didn't really realize what I was getting myself into though. I had never really been with another guy before except for Rick and I was still young and very confused, but I did know that I found men very attractive. A hard thing to deal with in the military, Don't Ask Don't Tell policy means you don't show it or tell, or ask anyone about their sexual orientation. Basically you are hiding who you are and can pretty much forget about ever trying to have a normal life with a partner in the military. I had a boyfriend at one time when I was in the military and I had to learn the art of lying very quickly, because you can't just tell the boys at work that you had a great time this weekend with your boyfriend Kevin, doesn't work like that. Kevin became Jennifer and whenever there was a group of friends that got together for a cookout or something the question always came up, "Andrew, where is Jennifer at?" I would always have to lie and say she wasn't feeling well or was working overtime. You can only imagine how good that was for our relationship, never being allowed to bring him around my military friends and basically excluding him from the very important other half of my life.

This was the most painful six years of my life, knowing that no matter how good I was at my job or that I always stayed out of trouble or how many friends I had made in the military, no one would ever accept me for who I was. One little mistake could have ended my career and my life with a dishonorable discharge for being a homosexual in the military. This silent hate would always have power over me the entire time I was enlisted. I wasn't free to be who I was, and I wouldn't be until that timer ran out. I remember thinking the whole time I was enlisted how great it would be to just be treated like everyone else, if my partner and I could have all the benefits of everyone else on this base. If we too could get base housing, dependent pay, if we ever had to transfer bases that it would be guaranteed that my partner would be able to come with us and still be treated just like everyone else. My sad reality was that this would not come true for me or any of my other fellow gay/lesbian troops that were working just as hard as our straight counterparts. I lost Kevin because I was transferred to a different base, this hate made me lose a partner because it couldn't accept us for who we were. Have you ever loved someone and had someone make you move away, ripping that person just far enough away to where they are just out of touch? It felt like someone was ripping my heart out and just tossing it on the ground and stepping on it like it didn't matter.

Once again, just this year, I had quite the experience with my enemy hate. As a full-time cab driver you can imagine that I have seen quite a few interesting things in my time, but I had never seen hate like I saw it this cold snowy night in November. I was doing my rounds at the clubs and bars in downtown Denver and no luck; I finally get to "Tracks Nightclub," a few girls flag me down, I pull up to retrieve the young ladies, and they tell me their destination. We start to head toward their destination and the young lady in the front seat next to me starts going off like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth with insults towards the homosexual population. "All these faggots need to burn in hell, I can't believe we were just in there watching those fags grinding up on each other, I'm so disgusted I think I'm going to puke."

I had to sit there and just listen to this with a smile on my face because if I had told her off I would have lost my fare, my tip and possibly my job as well, and times were rough and I needed to make my money. I remember thinking to myself, if you don't like homosexuals then what the hell were you doing at a gay dance club!!?? There was so much hate from her, and I couldn't understand why. Did we hurt you in some way? Is it just because we are different? Why do you hate us so much!!?? I wanted to break down and cry, why do you hate us, what did we ever do to you!!?? Could you imagine if you liked wearing blue shirts but some of society thought it was an abomination, but you didn't care and you wore your blue shirt anyway, and people took you and tortured you to death for just being who you are?

On October 7^th, 1998, hate would decide to murder, but hate wouldn't win the war this time. A twenty-two year old, Matthew Shepard, would be murdered just for being who he was at a local college bar in Laramie, Wyoming. Two young men, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, didn't like the way he was flaunting who he was in public and decided to take matters into their own hands. Almost Eighteen hours later, a bicyclist found Matthew tied to a fence and beaten to a bloody pulp. It is said that the bicyclist thought Matthew was a scarecrow at first glimpse because he had been beaten so badly. He was taken to a hospital, but it was too late for young Matthew, hate and bigotry had taken his life on October 12^th, 1998. This shocking brutality changed everything, not just for homosexuals, but all minorities, and hate crimes would be taken to another level of punishment in the judicial system. This terrifying incident has invigorated millions and millions of people to take a stand against hate.

The only thing we have ever wanted is to have equal treatment and the same freedoms as everyone else. Just because I am gay doesn't mean that I don't dream of having that great day in my life where I too will get to be married to the person I love and have been waiting to find my whole life. My parents will want to watch us exchange rings just as your parents will want to do the same. We can't let this hate and ignorance continue to control our country and lives. The only way that anything or anyone can truly grow is through acceptance and tolerance of others, not through finding someone new to shift the hate too.

I leave you with this, what can we do to change our views and opinions? When will we stop hating our fellow man for just being different than we are? Nobody is perfect alone, but we as a people can come together through understanding and tolerance accomplish many great things.