Prose

Chapter 1

written by: piscean

Let me tell you the first chapter of my life.

I was happy. I didn't have to deal with blushing every time I saw a crush, I was never into the "beefing" business and I was smart. Good grades, head on my shoulders, career path in mind.

Then I made a new group of friends. They were fun, spontaneous and I felt good around them. He had a crush on me but in those days it was common for a guy to like a personality that was different than the typical.
We became good friends, and unaware of the trust I gave him, I began to like him. I didn't even know this trust existed until it was taken from me. I found out how much I loved him but only after I lost him.
Desperate and afraid I ran to him, heart in hand. He turned away, I was too late.
This love grew into frustration and before the dust could settle we were already heading in our own directions and with every step we became smaller until we were no longer visible.

I began a new chapter in my life. I moved on and found other fish the sea...but I would never forget the first one I accidentally hooked without bait.

One day he came back and I realized that that chapter of my life wasn't over yet. I was overjoyed and took him back without reason. We thought we could start from where we left off and things went smoothly until we hit a bump in the road. We tried to work it out but we have become such different people that compatibility under pressure was impossible.




Now again, I sit alone in a cafe writing something I want to be read. A story of a struggling love that works by not working.
His life is full of enough struggles and love would be in last priority. Maybe carelessness or maybe the expectations that I will still be there when you are done, like the first time.


I won't.

You have chosen her before our love, your job before love, your car. You say you haven't but when importance lists us as last, it is simply an arrogance believing that I will wait.
I would but I have no reason to, you don't give me any. I know you care, I know you love and you want, but I cannot revolve around you if you throw me off track without looking twice.

I love you

. but that is all.

I will walk out of your life without looking back. I will leave you with you not ever knowing how hard it was for me. I will kiss him the way I kissed you and I want you to see how he appreciates it the way you never did. I want you to see how he fights for me because you never did. I want you to see why you lost me and why I chose him.
No, I don't love him more, nor do I love him the way I loved you. But if you really loved me the way you say you did you wouldn't let me slip away this easily. Clearly you never saw what I gave you. You never saw what lengths I would present to you, telling you I would walk all of them.



I wish you knew, but you never did and never will...



. ...and I will never tell you.