Prose

Something is missing

written by: Sweet Insanity

Something is missing
But I can't tell what
I have that... I've lost something important feeling
Air is suctioned into my lungs
While my pulse quickens and pounds
My head feels heavy as I start to sweat
And the world slowly sways from one side to the other

I know I'm not perfect
I know that I can't be
But this overwhelming panic ensues, endures
The feeling that I'm just short of being "good enough"
And therefore I'm a failure

My earliest memories are of this...
Obsessive psyche abuse
A self-inflicted mind rape
This battle I've fought and botched for years

When I start to think I've made headway
And I begin to gain confidence
I feel like I can handle my life
Then my own idiotic brain punches me in the solar plexus
I'm winded and want nothing more
Than to curl into a fetal position
Sobbing until my breath is jagged and my eyes on fire

Something is missing
And I have no idea what
Day after day this black whole engulfs me
Sucking away my energy
Leaving me exhausted
And hating myself

For all the times I've worried
Obsessed and helplessly fixated
I've committed a mutilation of soul
Murdering the free spirit inside
The happy go lucky child within

Nothing is missing
Except for the pieces of myself
That I've already destroyed
And if I don't fix this internal devastation ...
There will be nothing left