Prose

for her

written by: abrokenjoke

The door slammed and the wet, loud smacking of the rain ceased. He was breathing heavy. Stomping through the kitchen he removed his coat and threw his keys onto a table. His eyes searched through the pitch darkness and he found a small light coming from inside his little girl's room. He used it to find the stairs and climbed them, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. He went right past her, straight into the bathroom and removed all his clothes and he sat in the shower. A catch in his throat made him groan a bit, but he let the steaming water push it all back. He rinsed everything. Washed everything. He stepped out and dried himself, checking the clock on the wall. One a.m. He clenched at it and look in the mirror, disgusted with what he saw.
The room was silent. He stood, in the door way of the bathroom, staring at her. So peaceful, and so beautiful. Her porcelain skin was radiant with the moon light coming from the window. Her delicate fingers were clutching the pillow and her wedding ring was gleaming like a flare in the darkness. He watched her like a servant would stare at a queen.
He put on a pair of boxers and slid into bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her small body closer to his. She moaned a bit and giggled, snuggling her head into his neck. He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her warmth consume him.
"Hey you," She said quietly. "Is it still raining?" He swallowed, wanting more than anything not to speak. He knew his voice was weak.
"Yeah." He managed to get out. She coaxed him and kissed down his chest.
She was perfect. In all ways. The sweetest most beautiful thing in the world was in his arms. The rain picked up outside and hit the windows harder. He let his eyes wander as she finally went to sleep on him, breathing deep and sweet. He rubbed his rough hand up and down her back, and closed his eyes. He was unworthy of such a woman.
But the saddest part was, he knew she felt the same. He knew she thought he was perfect. There was no way he could sleep, so he stayed up staring up at the ceiling, his mind punishing him.
WHY! WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN STUPID!? WHY? WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU DO THIS!? YOU HAVE THE PERFECT LIFE!
But his face was peaceful and as she awoke to the thunder outside, their eyes met. He kissed her then, deeper than he ever had before, more than he had even intended to. She smiled after and nipped his lip.
"What was that for?" She asked kindly.
BECAUSE I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOU! But nothing emerged his lips.
"Why are you so quiet, baby?" She asked with a smile. "Tired?"
"Yeah."
AND FUCKING STUPID.
"Well that's ok." She said, "Let's sleep."
Well that's ok, let's sleep she says. He let the words sink in. He let everything sink in. Lots of things sunk in as he took her in his arms again and laid his head on the pillow. Was it another chance he was giving himself? Was he worthy of that? Would she have given him another chance had she known? He sighed and thought against it, but as he looked down, and saw her looking up at him with stern but gentle eyes, he nodded and looked back with equally serious eyes.
"Goodnight my love." She said then smiled sweetly.
"Goodnight my angel." He said, and as he slept that part of him died.
As he slept that part of him that made him an animal died and he became a man. For her.