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written by: choloepus

To RED my luv....

She runs away from him, bare feet, along the wet grass of the terrace. The scattered trees and benches, hidden among the shadows of the night. She stumbles and slips as the thunder cracks and lightning lights up her path. Her heartbeat quickens as she sees him slipping out of the darkness a few steps ahead of her. Wasn't he behind her? She quickly looks back, but realizes her escape is futile. He approaches her slowly, his tall muscular frame hiding the night behind him. She stumbles and tries to lunge past him, but he grabs her arm spinning her around. She looks up into his eyes, rain drops falling from his face, etching the contours of his features. He pushes her against the lamppost, in the middle of the square, a lonely light shining a gaze against them.

Her shirt is soaked through, clinging to her breasts, as he pushes himself onto her, pinning her body against his and the light. He reaches for the back of her neck with his right hand as his left slowly moves up to her waist and touches the bare skin at the edge of her shirt. Shivers run from her chest to her groin as a small gasp escapes her lips. He leans forward; drenched hair hiding his eyes as his lips closes in on their target. Her pulse throbs through her body and her head swoons with the anticipation of the touch of his lips. A rain drop falls from his cheek hitting the edge of her mouth, bridging a timeless gap between them. She closes her eyes and lets go of her inhibitions as she steps into his embrace and pushes her lips onto his letting their kiss unite them to the night.


Wed, May 28, 2008 at 9:56PM

I love both of these paragraphs, they are both extremely intense, but they don't seem to go together. She seems terrified in the first with the running and the lunging. It seems odd that she can go from that level of fear to giving in. I guess this makes the reader wonder why she is scared, what kind of past these two have, and if he's a danger physically or emotionally. Both are well written... overall I like it!

Wed, May 28, 2008 at 11:16PM

Hey SI...actually I wanted to give the illusion of fear in the beginning...but I intended it to be more of a playful escape from her lover. This is actually only part of a longer story...but the rest was...well...a bit too intense for WiF!! LOL...I guess the choppyness shows through! Thanks for comments! I really appreciate it!

Tue, Jun 3, 2008 at 10:25AM


Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 10:25PM

Hey, no problem! I didn't really get the playfulness, but if you want that to come across that could be changed by alternate word choice, or adding in a smile or a giggle that slips out, or just something to break the tension. Now that I know it's playful from the get go, I like it a lot better!

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