Prose

hospital (rose)

written by: babeestars

I was starting to settle into this new life, I was starting to fit in, starting to make friends. Dad was still torn apart, trying to hide it but I could see he was hurting, weren't we all? Rodney, I guess I always thought he didn't quite understand about mum, about the cancer, I guess, in a way, I was right, but I guess in way he knew exactly what he was doing. His little hands where wired up to machines, the reassuring beep telling me he was still ok. I stroked his soft hair and clutched his small fingers. Dad had found him, up in his room. He had a packet of pain killers by his side, a couple where on the floor, but the packet was completely empty. He had a big glass, a quarter full of water. He must have seen me or dad, or maybe mum, taking them some time, so he knew he had to swallow them, and with water. His gentle eyes flickered. Dad had gone off, he couldn't handle it, I wasn't finding it easy, watching Rodney's features distort and relax as he went through his dreams. And every time I closed my eyes I could almost see mum lying in that hospital bed instead of him, her long hair flowing around her shoulders. She'd been lucky and kept her hair through chemo. She was so happy about it; she had always said it was a sign. She wouldn't have been able to bare going bald. She would have given up long ago. Rodney groaned slightly, his eyes clenching tight before relaxing again. "Shhh," I soothed, I remembered watching mum with him, when he was younger and he got a fever, she would sit with him all night, and when he moaned she would hold him and sing to him, his favourite lullaby. I started to hum it gently to him.
"Mummy?" his dry lips parted to let the sound out.
"Oh Rodney," I blinked holding back tears.
"Did I do it mummy? Did I find you?"
"No Rodney, its rose," his eyes blinked.
"Oh," he said sadly, and then he started to cry. And before I knew what I was doing I was sat on the bed beside him, cuddled up with him in my arms. He cried until he could cry no more, it must have taken everything out of him because when he finally finished snuffling, he was asleep. Dad opened the door quietly, seeing us he immediately stood still trying not to make a sound. "It's ok, dad, he's completely out of it." I said before pulling my arms away and tucking the blanket right up to his chin.
Dad looked a mess; his hair was sticking up on end, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks red and puffy. "Let me get you a coffee," I said before walking out of the room to leave him with his baby boy.
I walked far enough down the corridor until I was out of sight. And then I leant against the wall, my head in my hands and cried, just like Rodney had. But the only difference was I had no one to hold me.
When I finally had the strength to move away, to stand on my own feet, I got knocked flying. The girl came out of nowhere. She looked the same age as me and probably just as rough.
"Oh god, sorry" she stumbled over her words.
"It's fine." I said, offering her a hand up, I was just glad to have someone who didn't know about me, about my family, my life, and wasn't about to judge me because they had enough problems of their own.