Kelly rose
I reached for her hand gratefully ,we stood face to face for a moment. Her eyes were bloodshot, ghosts of tears still hovering
her face was drained of colour
her cheeks were tear stained
I didn't think she'd slept in weeks or maybe this ordeal had taken it all out of her
her hair was messed as though she kept running her fingers through it
i looked at her and wondered whether I was looking in a mirror
our eyes where exactly the same shade of green
our hair fell the same way
her black nails where chewed to the skin
she smelt of sweet flowers
and before I knew it we were both crying
tears streamed down her cheeks
I was finally letting it all out, and I wasn't alone any more
"I'm sorry," we snuffled simultaneously
I wiped my eyes with me sleeve
"that bad?" she asked
"the worst" she mumbled in reply
"wanna grab a drink?" she asked
I wasn't sure where it had come from, I didn't know this girl, but there was something about her."
I nodded in reply, biting my lip, but glad someone was finally here for me, and they didn't have to be
we walked up to a small cafe, we both reached for bottled water then veered away to a juice
we sat at a nearby table that was tucked away slightly
"family?" she asked me
"yes," i replied
"family?" I asked her
"yes," she replied
"my brother," we said
"took an overdose,"
Comments:
I love that they are talking and connecting but the way it is presented is highly confusing! I think you should try either putting it into a play format ( Rose: .... Kelly: .... Both: ... ) or a prose paragraph. I'm glad they are talking and can't wait to read what happens next!
yer
when i first wrote it it wsin word, kelly was bold and italic se a norm nd therefore was reasonably easy to read. bu ofcourse on this i cant use ether of those so i had to resortto using brackets nd all
i agree it is majourly confusing
my thoughts with chaging it to a play format is that im worried at would take aay from the fact hey are almost seaking the same and wouldsplit it to much into seprate people. i like the fact that they seem to come together as one. what do you mean by proe paragraph? bcause irally want to keep te characters words seprate butoneof the sam
hm confusing
if you are still confused with it i am happy to email you the origianl from word which is so much easier to read
I see where you're coming from. By prose paragraph I just meant as if it were in a book. I can read it better now looking at it again. I like where this it going!
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