Prose

haunting memento (sarah)

written by: babeestars

The rain hammered down soaking straight through my jumper, tears mixing with the droplets of rain running down my face. The river was flowing fast by my feet, slowly speeding and growing with the ever pouring rain.
I'd kept it, a memento, to remind me what I'd been through. That I'd made it through alive. I was better. A small silver, now rusting blade, sharp as ever. Used to be something to help me through, now pulling me back, willing me to try again. Everything in my world had turned upside down, and there was nothing I could do to make it go back. Yes, it was starting to settle, but right now nothing seemed right. Don't get me wrong, there had been some amazing times, more brilliant memories. But on the other hand, there had been times were nothing mattered, if I went to sleep and never woke up I wouldn't miss anything. Those were the times the blade haunted me, I wanted to try again. I thought that maybe, if I could just have one little cut, then maybe I could just let everything out, one tiny slit, could release it all. And then I would be ok again, wouldn't I? If I let all the bad out, then there would only be good left inside me, I could smile again. Smile and be happy.
I pulled my sleeve up to reveal my perfectly white arms. The blue veins on the underside of my wrist visible; and just below, a small scar. The only scar I had, the only resistance my body had made. I traced it lightly with the silver token of my past, cutting only when I reached the very end, a small pin prick of memory. "Sarah," her voice followed me.
"GO AWAY!" I shouted, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I traced the scar again, pressing harder until I started to bleed.
"Sarah," her voice panicked her footsteps behind me. "Sarah, what are you doing?" I dropped the blade. It slipped to the ground, mud splattered over it, mixing with the traces of fresh blood. "What have you done?" she asked me.
"I'm sorry," I said before collapsing onto the floor. My legs giving way, my rain soaked clothes now covered in mud.
"Sarah? Can you hear me?" my vision was fuzzy, my head light. It wasn't so much from the fresh wound on my arm, but from the memories of before, when I nearly ended it all. "Sarah?" she took my left wrist in her hand, covering the slit, stopping it from flowing. "Sarah?" she laid me down, water lapping at my other hand. "Sarah? Can you hear me Sarah?" she lifted my legs to encouraging the blood to return to my brain. "Sarah? Say something hunni."
"I'm sorry."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." I replied. I pulled my wrist from her firm grip.
"Dizzy?"
"I'm fine" I pulled my legs from her as well and sat up slowly. She lent behind me for support, knowing there was no point in objecting.
"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" and just like many times before, I spilled my heart out to her. I didn't want to; I didn't want her to know. But she had a way of making me spill everything, and maybe this time, it was the right thing to do.