Prose

Introduction to my new novel Chapter 1 (If only eyes could see)

written by: Blaqwynter

My name is Amy, and I am willing to share my story if you're willing to sit back and read it. For those of you, who have been abused in marriage, you're not alone.

I sat there quietly, fumbling with my thumbs. I was waiting for Steven my husband to return home from work. I seemed so anxious, as butterflies fluttered within the core of my stomach. I looked at the clock, checking the time. It was half past 7:00PM, and he should have been home by now.
Not that I wanted him to be home, but I was nervous. What if he had a bad day at the office again? Was he going to beat me tonight? I had been married to Steven for 5 years now, the first year was great, but then shit fell downhill the second year. Fuck don't all relationships fall downhill?
As my thoughts rambled on and on about him cheating on me, I could feel fire burning deep within my soul. I knew he was out seeing some other brawd, as he had done this to me before. I had found phone numbers in his jean's pockets while doing his laundry, and had other girls calling our place looking for him. I often wondered if he was abusing them too, also I wondered how many mistresses he was seeing behind my back.
I though marriage was all about love. In this case, this was not love, infact he didn't even love me, for the way he treatd me, despite the fact that he has told me many of times before that he was sorry and that he does love me.
The blue pick-up finally pulled into the driveway, and I looked out the window. I almost stumbled upon my feet, as I surfed back over to the couch for fear he saw me looking. I grabbed the television remote, and flicked the channel, to make it look as though I was searching for something interesting to watch. I heard the keys jingle in the lock of the front door, and then the door knob turned. I snapped my head around to look at him. Boy was he miserable. I gave him a small sweet smile. ''How was your day sweety?'' I asked in curiosity. I aleady knew the answer but I figured if I didn't greet him any shape or form, he may come after me for it. He narrowed his gaze upon me, knowing what he was going to ask. ''I made dinner for you''. I told him as I got up to go hug him.
I loved him so much, but yet I hated him just the same, for the way he treated me. I could smell another woman's perfume upon his neck, but I pretended I didn't smell anything. I tried to hug him by wrapping my arms around him, but he flung out his arms at me, and pushed me away, and walked past me. I watched him go toward the kitchen, with a hurt expression upon my face.
Oh how I was so desperate in pleasing him, and making him happy. I followed him in the kitchen after I drew out a long sigh, and watched him dig into his steak and potatoes that had prepared for him.
So unappreciated I was, but hell, he was a low class asshole, and if I could escape I would. I attempted a few escapes, but he only located me several days after my runaway. I was hidding out at my best friend's house, not a very smart move by me, I know.
When he took me home that night, he beat me so bloody bad, that I had several broken ribs, a black eye, and I was covered in bruises from head to toe.
One time he threw me down the stairs, and caused me a misscarriage when I was four months pregnant. I recall a few months ago, he locked me into the cellar, leaving me there for three days without any food nor water. It was cold in there, and it was dark, the walls were infested with spider webs, and the floor was a cold cement. He also laid the boots to my stomach making sure that I could never get pregnant again. He had done so many countless things to me, there are too much to mention. After four years of being raped, beaten, starved, isolated, and most of all unloved. I was sick of it, and was plotting his murder.
Often at nights I would cry myself to sleep, I would cry while he was at work, and had the urge to leave town, but had nowhere to go. It's not like I had family to go to, as I was adopted as a child, and my adoptive parents died in a boating accident. My real parents left the country, to go live in Moscow. That's all that I know about my biologial parents.
I stood there for awhile watching him, eat like a ravenous starved animal. It almost sickened me as I tried hard not to make a face. I had already eaten. Thank God for that, otherwise I think I might have just thrown up all over te place just waching his repulsive actions.
Once he was finished eating, he shoved the plate toward me, and I missed grabbing it, and it fell upon the floor shattering around my bare feet. I jumped away in a nick of time, and looked at him. A look as if to ask him why he would do such a thing. He glared at me, as I bent down to pick up the shards of glass. No sooner I bent down to pick it up, he cuffed my across the back of my head, and knocked me forward into the glass.
A small shard was stuck in my hand and it bled a little. I pulled it out, and looked at him with a confused expression upon my face. ''Don't just sit there and look at me Amy, clean this fucking shit up''! I lowered my head in defeat, like a dog being scolded. I could feel tears forming within my eyes.
I made sure my face was lowered enough for my sandy colored hair to cover my eyes while I cried a few drops of tears. I could feel the cold wetness of them rolling down my face, and under my chin. I managed to get all the pieces of glass and carried it to an empty garbage bag.
What have I done so wrong to be treated this way? Why des he not love me anymore? Has he ever really loved me at all? Why am I still living? I had thoughts about suicide, and planned about how I was going to kill myself. I knew that I was going to go into the garage, and do the carbon minoxide, and hopefully one morning he would find me dead and gone. I often wondered if he would notice or not.
After I cleaned up the glass, I watched him walk into the living room. I craved his love, and attention, and craved to be cuddled. I only wished that he would treat me more like a human being..................................................