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Addiction, Love, Lust, Destiny

written by: Daniel91

I figure it's been awhile since I don't know I have had a real good look at myself. I am a man who is addict to certain things I won't officially say. But an addict none the less, I have no spine when it comes to peer pressure. There are things about me that are too hard to put in words or I'm just too much of a coward to say because I'm scared of what people will see me as. I'm scared that if people got to know who I am really they would run away in fear. I guess that's a normal reaction to not so normal situation, I won't say what it is because I can't.

I know what my purpose is and I know what I have to become to fulfill that purpose. But the more I think about it the more and more scared I become, about how I would screw it up or I would become the bad guy. The more I try to find out about what side I'm on, the more evidence that I will succumb to temptation and fail. Maybe I just have to take this on blind faith and just hope that whatever I'm doing would be the right thing. But I can't just leave to blind faith because my feeble human mind has to have proof of it. It is stated in the bible that in order to receive the wonders of heaven we have to have faith of it being there.

Does that me I'm exclude from heaven because I know it's there? I mean I really know it's there I don't mean in metaphorical sense either. I don't know if I am that won't change anything because I have a job to do and I will do it. The whole reason this piece came about is because I see the world how it should be. I see how everything should harmonize and how everything should work, but yet nobody sees what I see. I do a bad job at it, I had a chance to be more than human but I took low road and did the piety thing.

I know what most people would say that's not that big of a deal. But it is to me because every injustice there is and I don't stop it or I'm a part of it. Then I feel like I failed everybody I care about by not doing the right thing. I know that everybody would say well everybody messes up every now and again, but I can't mess up because I can't be the normal guy I have to be that extra normal guy. It's funny how God grants your prayers just for you can see how we humans can't understand what we really need. God gave me what I wanted and so much more, I'm scared I'm going to let him down and become another Morningstar

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